Smile and Wait

Couple things before I start this story; firstly, I am not meaning to be negative or say I have it harder than anyone else, I am just here to share my part. I absolutely loved my time in Bali, it was such an adventure and it was great for Jords and I to get away and escape for a while. But my endo, did decide to misbehave a little.

During our time in Bali, we visited heaps and heaps of different restaurants, bars and cafes. One night we were at this awesome bar and met a group of travellers. We all got chatting and started talking about where we were all from. During this conversation, I felt a pretty sharp pain in my stomach. I’d had my period for a few days so was hoping the pain wasn’t going to be tooooo bad. Well, apparently not. I continued chatting, hoping the cramp would pass and we’d be all good. Nope. The pain only got worse. My conversation skills started to go out the window as most of my attention went to trying to hide the pain. Lucky for me, Jords is naturally chatty so he took over the conversation without effort and I was at least off the hook from talking. Now, just to try and focus on hiding the fact my insides were attacking me. Classic them.

I thought, “maybe it’s just a clot,” so I stood up and pretended to admire the view. That didn’t do anything except move the pain to a slightly different area, great. I sat back down and tried to tune into the conversation, maybe that would distract me. Next thing I know, it feels like it is 400 degrees and I am sweating like a mad man. I start fidgeting like a crazy person, drink my smoothie and hope to heck it cools me down. Nope, it doesn’t. “Cool cool cool,” (Jake Peralta).

I mentally started doing the maths to work out when I had last taken pain killers when I remember, I didn’t bring them with me. (See my post about Travelling with Endometriosis if you want to know why I was silly enough not to pack my pain killers).

Meanwhile, I’ve lost all hope of joining back into the conversation. Hopefully, I wasn’t sweating so bad they could see how uncomfortable I was. Now, I could go excuse myself and go find the bathroom, but then what? Then I am just alone and in pain. So, I just waited. With a combination of patience, some water and a very cold smoothie, the pain and hot sweats eventually passed and I rejoined the conversation. No one even noticed I had plastered on a smile for the past 20 minutes.

Sometimes there’s nothing you can do but just wait it out. I mean, it wasn’t fun but I didn’t let it ruin my night. If I let the pain consume me, I would live in fear. This would probably result in me becoming a hermit and just staying home, cuddled up on the couch with my two dogs. As much as that appeals to me, so does going out and being social, working and doing fun, crazy stuff (like going to Bali for 3 weeks with only carry on luggage). But, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. Endo can be so frustrating and tiring.

This is just us, exploring rice fields, in Bali. It was pretty dang cool. (No real reason I am sharing this other than it’s a fun photo). But also, Jords is on my team and is such a huge support through everything, so he should be included in more photos. Well, I think anyway.

So here’s a shout out to all those brave women who have just plastered on a smile and waited. I get it. High five for not breaking down and crying or running away! Go team!

When have you had to plaster your smile on?

2 Replies to “Smile and Wait”

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